Day 75: Heaven let your light shine down…
“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness.”
It was early morning and my alarm startled me. I quickly jumped up and reached for my IPhone to silence it. I looked at the time: 3am! I lay in my bed snuggled in the comforter that embraced me like a warm and soft hug as the cool early morning breeze drifted through my open window. I had an internal dialogue arguing the pros and cons for actually heeding my alarm and peeling myself from this cocoon of slumber. I thought about the mission of the day…to watch the sunrise over Lake Tahoe…and could that delightful view lure me out of this cozy place of solitude? It only took a second and I moved my legs out from under the covers and stepped out of bed as the decision was made. I was on a mission to start my day by greeting the sun—like she has greeted me every day.
In a semi-comatose state, I started my coffee-maker and then grabbed my towel and hopped in the shower to try to wake up, even if just a little bit. Alas, the first sip of coffee and I could feel every nerve and fiber begin to awaken. Before I knew it, I was ready to make the drive up to the lake. I had my coffee, my favorite Lululemon jacket, my camera and my desire to see a beautiful sight this early in the morning.
It was 4 a.m. and there was not another soul to be found on the winding and twisting road that led up the mountain to the lake. It was too dark to appreciate the views I knew were there during the daylight hours and so I had some time to think as I made my way to the west end of the lake.
My mind began to wander, thinking about why I seemed to be the only one on a trek to see the sunrise. Yes, the sun does rise every day and there are many that I get to see, but never have I watched the deep dark sky be illuminated over the lake. It reminded me that each day is very new. That some dark days that you wish you could quickly forget, always come to an end… and the day begins anew with another opportunity to make things better, learn from the previous experiences and promise to improve and change for the better. I began to reflect on the mistakes I have made in the past… forgivable, but my own measurement, never forgettable. I reviewed my life’s events as if I were scrolling through a file cabinet in search of something great I have done to redeem myself from the missteps I have taken. Yes, I have done some good things in my life, but nothing tremendous, nothing earth-shattering… still nothing of any particular significance had today been my last day here. Heavy sigh…
As I continued the drive down the lonely road that hugged the lake, I wasn’t entirely sure where I was going. I had never been to this beach on the western side of the lake before, but my map said it was there and Siri was leading the way, this much I had to trust. I had hoped that the beach was accessible this early in the morning and that the view was what I hoped it would be.
I looked out over the lake as I drove and I could see the slightest hint of light beginning to emerge behind the tall and stately mountains to the east. Yes, not even the most rugged mountains could stop the sunrise from happening.
And before I knew it, I had arrived at the Commons Beach in Tahoe City. I pulled in and parked the car, grabbed my gear, and made my way down to the beach. It was silent with the only noise coming from my flip flops with each step I took. As I walked on the beach the light was slowly beginning to get brighter and my camera was busy catching the first views. It was a cold morning and so I pulled my jacked a little tighter and decided to find a rock to rest on, wait and watch.
And so, I made my way across the soft sand of the beach and found a granite boulder that seemed to be calling out to me. There I sat in the still silence and the darkness of early morning with the stars above slowly losing their sparkle as the light began to emerge with every minute that lapsed.
I began to think about new beginnings and how this impatient shy girl needs to embrace being more patient, actually following the plan, waiting her turn, carefully planning what needs to be said and done, and trusting her instincts a little more. Yes, patience seemed to be the overriding theme of today’s quest. I wanted so much to lift the sun from the horizon with my own two hands right then and there. No…. it would not rise by my doing, but rather someone else’s. My journey on this quest was to know that the sight I was to behold took time and patience in order to understand why waiting for something so magnificent is so important.
In today’s world, we rush through life so often and if we need something we just go out and get it. If we have to say something, we trample over others thoughts and words to have ours heard first. We feel entitled to do and say whatever comes to mind without the slightest hint that sometimes those words or actions could be hurtful or even offending to someone else’s sensibilities… but that was yesterday.
Each sunrise brings us the reminder that there is a new day with a new opportunity to be better than we have been, to be patient and thoughtful with our words and actions, to have empathy for others challenges, missteps and mistakes. How often do we spend too much time focusing on what others do and say that offends us, and yet we ignore the mirror we look at every morning. We are impatient to be the first to find faults in others, but refuse to take the time to improve ourselves.
As the minutes clicked by, so did the lens of my camera as the sun’s rays became brighter. I thought about how many sunrises we have in an average lifetime of 80 years…29,200 to be exact, and more if you are lucky to live longer. That is 29,200 opportunities to live a better life, to reconcile the past and start new again and to enjoy the sunrise in the morning. And what excuse do I have for not taking the opportunity to start again? Laziness? Being stubborn? Impatience in doing other things? Ignorance? Or just lack of effort? Maybe all of the above, until today!
My eyes fixated on the eastern horizon, and then as if my spirit were infused with a flurry of ideas and thoughts, I felt like somehow I had found direction in the darkness of the morning. In a roundabout way, I had given myself permission to be forgiven for my mistakes and had formed a plan for the future. A sense of calm, and relief covered me like a warm blanket. I felt as if I could breathe a little easier…
I stood up as I knew the moment was going to happen at any minute. There I stood on the western shore of Lake Tahoe and I could feel an energy surround me like I were in the presence of great company. It reminded me of the scene from “City of Angels”, when all the angels stand each morning to watch the sun rise. I couldn’t see another soul around me, but I felt at peace as if it were an honor to greet the sun in such a way.
My toes were freezing, my nose was cold and my fingers were having trouble pressing the camera’s shutter button. And as I clicked away, the giant, warm, inviting and glorious sun began to rise over the mountain’s crest with a brilliance I have never seen before! I stopped clicking and closed my eyes to feel the warmth on my cheeks and my eyelids. I could feel my body strengthen from the heat of the sun. I could feel forgiveness as the rays penetrated my skin. Yes, it felt like an absolution of sins and reminder of rebirth… An opportunity to say “Thank you” to the powers that be, for the day ahead of me. The power of the sun coming up over the lake was astounding, the pictures, although beautiful to look at, cannot simulate the feeling of this experience. I couldn’t help but wonder why it took so long to get here, but it didn’t matter anymore as I had a greater sense of clarity of purpose in this moment.
And as the sun rose ever higher, I had decided that the Quest was to greet the sun as she has done for me each and every day, but alas, in the end, that’s not how the Quest came to be. No, once again the sun gave something to me. It was the reminder that today is new again. Now, there are opportunities to be better than I was, to be patient with the events that lead to the future and more considerate to the feelings of others, to wait patiently for the opportunities I am seeking, but to make sure to embrace the everyday life experiences like a brilliant, inspirational sunrise across a lake.
As I stepped away, I felt a magnetic pull to turn and take one last look at the sun’s energy. There next to a rock were the only wildflowers on that beach. They were reaching for the sun rays. As wild as they were, their beauty with the sun shining down on them, was no less admirable than that of a prized rose. And in the sand and rock, this wildflower grew with the perfect view each day of this sunrise over the lake. I couldn’t help but be a bit envious to know that even though this flower only lives a very short time, it takes the opportunity to enjoy each and every glorious start of the day.
Feeling renewed, with better focus and direction, a sense of calm and patience and humbled by the power of the sunrise and with every reason to smile… Wondering what tomorrow will bring.
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