Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place.

I was sitting at my desk in the early morning following Thanksgiving, and my mood was a bit somber.  It appears life has not gifted me well as of late, perhaps the result of a Mercury retrograde, bad luck, possibly poor decisions or maybe all of the above!   Anyway, I had succumbed to indulging in a “pity party” sort of mood.  I never usually partake in these self-deprecating states of being, but there I was, looking out the window at the leaves blowing freely in the gusty winds and feeling their turmoil.

Having everything I would seemingly need or want, I felt internally conflicted as to why I would feel sorry for myself.  It made absolutely no sense!  Sure, I had set goals and changed them.  I had plans that were erased due to life’s circumstances, and I had a vision board that was as stale as the year old cereal sitting in my pantry.  I sat back in my black leather chair, gripped the arms as if I were caught in turbulence at the beginning of a flight, closed my eyes and went on a journey into the past.  All those life altering decisions popping up in my mind’s eye as if a movie were playing without my input of edits.

From the time I was young, my memories have been about a struggle to survive, always putting others happiness before my own, loss of my compass and guiding light, physical challenges creating misdirection and loss of dreams, and my authentic words conveying my feelings pushed deep inside, because if they were to escape, they might hurt those around me.  

Then one day, as if the universe provoked the dragon inside, those words escaped into the great abyss of life.  Choices to make and decisions that changed everything.  For better or for the worse?  Time would only tell, but courage was my guide.

Then, standing right there in front of me, was someone I didn’t recognize.  A girl who was once lost, was found.  Like a scene from the Wizard of Oz, she awoke to recognize where she was and who was around her, but the journey she had just gone on was vivid and seemed real… alive and electric with energy, moments that brought back fear she had encountered, uncertainty, sadness, and she questioned, “Was it just a dream?”.  She was left taking what she had learned on this magical mysterious mission to move forward, but she lacked the belief she was capable.  It was ever clear that there was only one thing that stood between her dreams and success:  Herself.

She has always been a dreamer in a world of action.  She is a problem solver of the most creative kind, helping those around her to manifest only that which they hold in their heart.  But in the end, there she stood with her arms extended in front of her and her palms up as if to receive that precious of wishes that only she held in her heart.  As if…. it were to be delivered to her on a silver platter.  Nooooo…. it is not that easy and she absolutely knew it wouldn’t be.  She reflected for a moment and remembered life is about being tested, questioned and ultimately proving yourself.  That process doesn’t happen in a snap and it certainly doesn’t come easy…. and she knew this from the journey she had just been on.  But how then?

The movie continued and what she saw was a new beginning.  Someone that had to be reinvented, reinvigorated, redirected.  She saw this girl as warrior of sorts… tenacious and strong, relentless and willing, seeking and finding, loving and living.  Just like that, her eyes popped open as if the movie had been cut short and the plane had landed abruptly. 

“What now?” I thought.  What does this all mean?  As my eyes scanned the walls and window that surrounded me…. my sight caught words on a chalkboard canvas written so long ago.  Those words seemed to blend into the walls over time becoming as important as the scuff marks never removed. There in faint white words, “Be the girl who decided to go for it!”  Heavy sigh….  I took some time to simmer in those words that permeated my spirit, and I realized that I needed to think about who it is I have become, who I need to grow into, and what next chapter needed to be written.

On just this little excursion through the past, I was reminded that our dreams don’t just happen, they take hard work, commitment, a relentless spirit, dedication, discipline, focus, determination and perhaps most importantly, follow-through!  Sometimes, they can be disguised as disappointments, uncertain direction or even failures.  It is in knowing that we can, that we do.  It is in doing, that we believe.  It is in believing that we become.  

In that very moment, I glanced out the window hearing the wind gusting through the trees.  The momentum that swirled those Fall leaves of change about, brought me to a place where fear was suppressed.  Fear had been replaced by the belief that in every moment of this life, it has brought me to this very state where doubt revealed what I am truly made of and capable of doing.   No reason to be sullen, but every reason to smile.  NO ONE can make me happy… NO ONE can make me successful… NO ONE can live my life for me…. THAT, is why I am here on this journey, at this time, in this place, with a new plan…. having the ability to create this new life I have all but dreamed about.

After all, I am the girl who decided to go for it.  Let the hard work begin!  Wondering what tomorrow will bring…