Day 52: Racing toward independence…

 

It was 4^th of July and the day started early.  I woke up, indulged in a fantastic cup of warm, strong coffee.  I remember thinking, this is the day… this is the day I get to race again!  The legs felt good and strong with minimal achiness in the knee.  I was ready to run!

I walked to my closet and searched for the black Nike tank that I had deemed my racing top.  I knew the exact location.  I remember the day I put it away with a sinking feeling in my heart that it would be a donation to the local charity and never worn again.  I found it in between a couple of shirts I no longer wear and like an old friend I smiled as I lifted it from the rack.  I stopped and stared at it for a couple seconds remembering the cut, the look, the feel, and even recognizing the tiny pinholes from the previous racing bibs that were affixed to it.  I remember feeling like it was Christmas time, and getting an unexpected gift from a friend.  You don’t know what to say but feel humbled by just the thought.  I grabbed the other parts of my racing gear and changed into them.  I had to stop as I saw myself in the mirror… it felt like just yesterday that I last wore these pieces and yet many months and had actually past.  My hair was a little different, I was a little leaner, but still recognizable.  It felt as if these pieces gave me an energy I hadn’t felt in so long.  Yes, I could now remember the feeling of racing.. the adrenaline, the excitement, the competition, it flooded my veins like medicine that was just injected.

I grabbed my trusty black running cap, my iphone armband, my water bottle and Siri… I took one deep breath and looked at Jet and smiled as I walked out the door.  I communicated to Siri that we were to go to Gardnerville, NV and like the good friend that she is, she quickly returned the proper directions and off we went.  The drive took about 45 minutes and I started off by listening to some music to help awaken my senses.  Before I knew it, I had entered the valley that led to the race.  I reached over and turned off the radio as if I had to have a serious discussion with a companion in the car.  I took a deep breath and began to think and speak openly…

“I am here… I am doing this… I am going to race… this is it… (smile)….  please give me the strength to run like the wind… please let me run like I ran before, with purpose, enjoyment and without pain…  Whatever happens, I am ever grateful for the opportunity… If this is my last race, I will accept that, just please let it be a good one…  Amen!”

I took another deep breath and before I knew it, Siri had told me to take a left turn and I could see a sign for the race event.  I parked my car and stepped out.  I felt like I had stepped into a movie where a small town was celebrating the 4^th of July.   There in the center of a park was a pavilion with red white and blue draped around it.  I could hear the sound of Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless America” playing from the DJ hired for the event.  The town folk were setting up their booths of running gear and arts and crafts.  Everywhere I looked people spoke to each other reminiscent of a small town gathering.  I had many that greeted me with a smile and the words of “Welcome”  as if they knew I wasn’t a Gardnerville resident.  But they took me in as one of their own as you would expect a small town to do.

I registered at the appropriate booth and the head of the chamber of commerce was manning the booth. She was cheerful and excited to have me attend their race from out of town.  I remember the feeling when they handed me my bib, #1923 and the safety pins with it… I held it in my hand with a moment of disbelief, slightly confused and not mentally accepting what it was I was to embark on.  I still had feelings of concern and doubt that the knee might decide at the last minute not to participate.

I stepped to the side to retrieve my participant t-shirt and then slowly walked to a picnic table in the sun to prepare for the race.  I sat down and saw an American flag table decoration and felt a strong sense of patriotism and love for my country.  I sat and thought about the countries across the globe where women are still not able to have the freedoms that our country affords its citizens.  I then thought about my Dad and how he so enjoyed celebrating the 4^th of July and wishing he were there to see me and how proud he would have been that I could run again.  I just sat and felt lost in thought as race was to start in just 10 minutes.

It was then that I lifted one foot and laced up my runners and held onto that feeling just in case it might be the last time…  One foot… then the other… I then opened the safety pins and found the previous holes in my running tank and lined up my bib to be as level as possible and closed the safety pins one by one.  I then placed my hands over the bib as if not to forget what it felt like to wear one, the paper ever so smooth and perfectly even.  I then made sure my running app was set for the 5k distance.  Then over the PA system was a delicate but firm female voice announcing the events of the day.  She then asked for everyone to take their hats off, place their hands over their hearts and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.  I looked around and almost in a proud unison, we all did as she requested.  The voices were strong and loud in the recitation and an abrupt applause and cheer filled the air at the end of the pledge… I could feel my heart skip a couple beats at the feeling of devotion to my country.

The runners lined up, and we sang “America the Beautiful” and within one minute I heard that sound announcing the beginning of the race and off we went.  I remember running about 30 steps expecting pain and feeling none… I suddenly felt something I had never felt before.  My eyes were tearing up and I was feeling a bit choked up.  I was a little confused;  I have never felt this in a race before.  It was a surreal feeling as if my body was running and my mind was aware of the feat I was about to embark on…  I accepted for a couple seconds that this was supposed to be insurmountable and that the goal was just to finish and it was in that very moment, like a light switch, my mind sent the order to “RUN LIKE THE WIND… BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!”  I heard it as clear as day and I am not sure who gave the order but I followed it as if my Dad ordered me to clean my room as a child, there was no option to disregard, it was full throttle ahead…  And just like that, my legs began to pick up the speed and the turnover was quick and fast.

 

I passed one runner after another, and then I had the sudden realization that I was close to the head of the pack.   I could hear my feet as they hit the pavement and I could feel the burn in my lungs.  My quads felt sore by the 1.5 mile mark and I couldn’t help but smile…

 

 

It was then that the path took me through a dirt trail and I had a middle aged grey haired man running next to me.   He was an obvious runner who had a long beard and that zen running energy that was magnetic which reminded me of Forrest Gump… I found myself  drawn to pace with him.  We said but not a word just ran together as if we both understood that this race had real meaning for each of us.  We ran the next mile together and that’s when I decided to run just a little faster… With my breathing heavy and my legs starting to tire and my mind saying, “This is a lot harder than you thought!” I pushed forward with no option to stop until I crossed the finish line…

I came around the bend knowing that at any minute the finish line would be in sight… I suddenly felt a surge in energy and the power came from somewhere.  I saw the finish line ahead.  I took a deep breath and my arms began to pump and my feet felt as if they were barely touching the ground with each quick step I made in the last 100 yards.   My arms and legs moved faster by the second as they responded to the intensifying cheers from the crowd that lined up near the finish line.

I looked down and I could see my left leg cross the finish line and my body begin to relax when my arm reached to the sky as I said a “Thank you” to anyone that might be listening…  I bent over, almost overcome with emotion as the gravity of what just occurred was beginning to be realized.  Just then, the man that I had paced with came up to me to give me a high-five and it was a confirmation that I not only had accomplished my mission, but reveled in the fellowship of other runners that knew nothing about me, but shared in the enjoyment to have the chance to run in this 5k race.

I stepped aside and was ready to leave the race when something reminded me to find out how I did and where I placed in the large group of runners.  I went over expecting to hear that I had finished somewhere in the top 50% and in complete surprise was told I finished 2^nd female, 1^st in my age group and 6^th overall….  The 5k was not a sanctioned event, so no awards were to be given… but it didn’t matter in the least.  Today, I accomplished a goal that most said I would never have the opportunity to do again and that was an award in itself!

On this 4^th of July, I laced up my runners, donned a racing bib, heard that squishy sound when my runners hit the pavement, felt the adrenaline surge with arms pumping and my feet flying as I crossed a finish line I never thought I would see again.  Today, it wasn’t just a race, it was a moment that reminded me that when others say you can’t and you won’t, you need to dig deep, center your spirit and defy the odds.  If for some reason, this is the last race I will ever have the opportunity to run in, it was a beautiful day in a small town that welcomed me as one of their own, proud to be an American and feeling grateful for just the opportunity to run again…. Wondering what tomorrow will bring.