Day 20: The Naked Truth…

“To be beautiful means to be yourself.

You don’t need to be accepted by others.

You just need to accept yourself.”

-Author Unknown

 

 

 

This had to be one of the most difficult Quests so far… but I am happy to report, I completed it and learned quite a bit about myself in the process!

Where do I begin with this Quest story?  Ah, the beginning… of course!  I grew up in a very strict European family. While nudity and sexuality are quite common in Europe, in the family I grew up in, they were very taboo.   I really have no idea why my family was so constrained about the human body.  We were expected to dress appropriately and that meant no bikini’s or even tops that showed some shoulder.  We were forbidden to wear anything that could be considered the least bit revealing. My parents, for whatever reason, were simply “that” strict.

Fast forward to present day… because of this strict and disciplined upbringing, I have never had the opportunity to appreciate and embrace my body… to accept my flaws and revel in any positive attributes.  Some would say this is a choice that is made, but I would say that I had been branded early on with the concept that our naked bodies are somehow a bad thing.

To complicate matters, my family rarely said anything positive about the way I looked or what I had to offer. Any comments about my appearance, or what I could contribute, were almost always negative.  To further add insult to injury, my family rarely took pictures of me. They left me with the deep impression that if my parents didn’t think I was worthy of having my picture taken, or even of complimenting me, why would I think any different about myself?

Many years and some separation brought me to a new place.  This new place is one of discovery, one in which I can peel away the negative layers that have enveloped me and take on a new perspective by choice…

One important piece in this self-discovery was a video clip that a friend sent to me not too long ago.   The video had been out for some time, but this friend was quick to identify my poor self-image and felt that I would benefit from seeing it.  It is the  Dove Real Beauty Sketches video.  It was incredibly powerful in helping me to understand perspective.  Everyone has the right to see things from a different perspective, but all too often women and men are hypercritical about their looks and the way they measure themselves.  The Dove video was able to convey the message that what we see in ourselves, is not what others see.  I encourage anyone reading this to see this video, the message is incredibly powerful and had a profound effect on the way I see myself.

My past set the tone for the life I would lead until now. While my upbringing hurt, I also have an obligation to be grateful for some of how I was raised.  I was given the opportunity for a great education and the freedom and tools to blaze my own trail and be who I want to be.  And today, this butterfly emerges from her shy, sheltered, repressed and naïve cocoon to accept how she looks and forgive her flaws.

Now about the Quest…  today,  I chose to do my yoga session au natural outdoors in my backyard.  It is the first of several provocative quests I will embark on this year that are designed to allow me to simply enjoy the  body I was given.   This Quest was far from easy for me. I not only was doing yoga au natural, but also taking pictures of the activity.  In essence, I not only had to do the activity, but then look at the pics and make the choice to accept what I saw in front of me as real, true and in some way, find some level of beauty…

The Quest began as I stripped my clothes. As each layer was removed, I thought about the past and what I was leaving behind…  My heart was racing and I could feel worry and anxiety fill my mind… Could I really do this?  Do I have the courage to see what really is there?  I then slipped my grey light summer robe on and headed out the door with my yoga mat and camera.  As I stepped out on the paver patio, I looked up at the house just behind me to see if anyone could see me with the tall 6 foot fence separating us… Alas, I had no eyes on me and the moment of truth was now about to occur.

I know the yoga moves and I have done them on the patio before. But doing the moves naked, with pictures taken to remind me of my fears, was going to take courage.  With those thoughts, I hesitated to lay my mat down, but did so anyway.  The sun was shining bright and there was a slight breeze.  It was in that moment that I thought that the conditions were perfect, leaving me with no excuses to retreat.   The camera was set, and I slowly and meticulously removed my robe and carelessly tossed it aside.  I stood there and took a deep breath and I could feel the sun gently touch every square inch of my skin as if nature were giving me a warm embrace of approval…  I remember thinking, “This feels good.”  I started my poses and after a couple of planks, sun salutations and downward dogs, I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.  I knew the flaws I held, but the sun had no judgment as it kissed every inch without so much as a negative feeling.  The camera clicked without any judgment either, but the true flaws would need to be reconciled later when I reviewed the reality of what I was to find in the pictures.

 

 

I finished the short yoga session and decided to venture into the garden and take some brave pictures there as well.  I had shed my fears and embraced the body I was given.   Before I knew it, my fears had completely faded and were replaced by my inner sensuality that I didn’t think I possessed.  Alas, my time being one with nature had come to an end, but the pictures remained as reminders of the naked truth I had to reveal and reconcile.

As I looked at the pics, I was surprised to find that my feelings for the photos were not negative, but rather they revealed just what I hoped they would.  What I saw were not the flaws, but rather the features I never wanted to accept that I had.  From the sun highlighting my hair like a paintbrush, to a bronze skin that revealed my Mediterranean and European heritage, to green eyes that reflected the trees… features I always chose to ignore in favor of the surgery scar left on my abdomen as a reminder of the challenge I had to overcome as a newborn.

Today, I emerged from this shy, sheltered, naïve cocoon and when the sun hit these wings, I knew I could fly!

Feeling lighter now that the truth has set me free….  Wondering what tomorrow will bring…