Stay patient… Trust your journey.

 

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I have been away for some time now.  Perhaps trying to find my way in this confusing yet magical place.  The journey has gifted me with some beautiful moments and some definite struggles. It has brought people into my life that I have been fortunate to know, and others that simply taught me lessons and moved on.  Either way, I am ever grateful for their happenings in my life because they have brought me to this very place where my fingers click the keyboard and begin to translate the lessons learned and the emotions felt.

I have received many messages and emails from people requesting that I continue to write.  I stalled for a bit not out of lack of lessons or stories to be shared. The truth is, I stalled my writing as I wasn’t entirely sure any of my words truly mattered or were even valued.  I took the time away to endure… to experience… to explore…. to feel…. to love…. and to be.  While on this train, I have had some incredible moments that simply could not be described as they might come across as unbelievable or surreal or contrived. To me, they were heavenly… moments that took my breath away and had me in a state of pure sensual bliss and even erotic wonder.  Ironically throughout this time, I cannot recollect a moment I have regretted… a moment I would have traded… no matter how hard at times the journey may have been.  And so I return but not by my own prompting, as my days have been filled with less thought on writing and more time on healing… perhaps my return has been aided by the universe and its most mysterious ways.

 

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Truth is pure… it is not convoluted or grey.  As humans we want to display to the world what it is we believe to be.  More often than not, this portrayal is not always our purest form, usually over-inflated, clean as a whistle, and cover-up applied to those worst blemishes.  It is through deep love and trust that we see the very essence of one’s soul… not to judge a book by its cover, but rather to read the words that tell the true story.  Real love is honest and pure… there is no ambiguity or question of authenticity.  Those lucky enough to experience it, know as much.
My path was chosen by me. It was not pressed upon me or forced by coercion.  No, I rather believe that the universe recently conspired to set me on an adventure that I thought for a long time, I didn’t deserve and would never experience.  In fact, against all odds, I was meant to find and experience true love after all.  Pardon me, while I lose my train of thought as I relive some of those breath-taking moments and sit back and smile for a bit.…
The truth is that for such a long time, my life was not fully lived.  For more years than I care to count, I gave up on genuine happiness and believed I was forsaken by the universe to live a mundane life with my hopes and dreams always tucked away, not meant to be realized. I didn’t think I deserved as much.  I couldn’t accept, that in order for me to give to others, I had to give to myself first. Yet, this very basic and imperative concept, we are reminded of every time we fly… when the flight attendant explains that if you have a child traveling with you, and the oxygen mask is deployed, it is to be applied to yourself first and then you apply a mask to your child.  Funny, the flight attendant doesn’t label the parent as “Selfish” for doing so, do they?  It is a matter of survival.

Truth…. it can have so many emotional effects when employed.  The difficulty is that so many do not have the courage to speak the truth out of fear it may hurt.  What they don’t realize is that those moments are gifts for growth wrapped up in words we don’t always want to receive, but when we look back over time, we understand their necessity.

Truth can also gift a smile or feeling of worth and love. We sometimes hesitate to share those positive feelings out of fear that the message is already understood.  Our minutes here on this planet are limited… they can be the length of a half taken breath… hesitation voids an opportunity to share light… not even realizing it, and this withholding of positivity could extinguish the life of a wish or a dream… If you risk through courage and share a positive truth, you may never know what effect those words may have held.  Such was the case just recently.

 

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I had a phone call from someone I have never even met. It came on a day of despair and sadness… I was consumed by grief… a loss that tore my heart in two. The phone rang several times with an unknown number. Not feeling like speaking to another soul on this vast planet, I eventually relented and answered. The woman calling identified herself as if I had met her before and I had not.  Confounded, I sat and listened. She shared a common relationship with a friend that I had known some time ago. She had been left in a grief-stricken state as this friendship had ended abruptly. She revealed many hurtful things that were said about me and so I took the opportunity to clarify what the real truth of the matter was and she said she had no doubt now that I was speaking the absolute truth. She proceeded to share some amazing words of appreciation and love for me and the courageous words I have shared… I gasped at every kind word she lent.  While listening to her story, I was suddenly feeling a compounded sadness for I was still dealing with my own loss and grief at the time. I listened carefully and after this woman vented her dislike for this individual, I responded and simply stated that I, was not sad I had met this mutual friend… this person taught me that negative energy has no place in my life. This person taught me that friendships should not be painful and full of anger and hurtful words. I barely remember this mutual friend as the contact was never very positive. I realized in the moment I was meant to help this woman heal her heart from the pain she was experiencing.  As our conversation came to a conclusion and transferred to text, this woman in the most delightful way, complimented my writing and stated that it has helped her move forward and value herself enough to know she did not deserve to be hurt by any soul on this planet…..what she did not know, in essence, was that she gifted me the encouragement to continue to share my words with the world.

I have never met this woman before… what courage it took for her to reach out to me. To share the truth of the matter knowing I might be hurt.  It was a moment that brought me back to this very keyboard… to bleed the words that come from my soul with the intention of helping others understand that truth does not have to be a rare commodity… it can be a way of living, a way of giving… a way to be and a way to love.

The universe has amazing ways of delivering us people who drift in and out of our lives, some stay and some go, some remain forever, but the lessons always continue.

My heart is still trying to heal from the grief  I recently endured… but faith keeps me pushing forward because love is honest and truth always prevails.

To the woman who had the courage to call me… I sincerely thank you….. your words brought this shy girl back to the place where her hands belong, sharing her stories with world and giving her the strength and courage to wonder once again, what surprising things tomorrow will bring…

Pier Pleasure

“Sensuality without love is a sin, love without sensuality, is worse than a sin.”

Jose Bergamin

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     She stood there with the cool sea breeze caressing her bare shoulders… eliciting a response not meant to be ignored….the clouds slowly hung above her, the sun teasing with warm beams penetrating the blanket of cotton tickling her senses with breathless abandon.   The endless ocean waves came in one at a time… rolling, in a dance of rhythm and control… an occasional climax of foam and seawater that reached the shore with intense fury… a salty sea spray unmistakable and as she licked her lips… the residue could be tasted ever so exquisitely …. moments like that allowed for this shy girl to release a relaxing sigh to the heavens, an emotion of gratitude for the unexpected experience indulged in by the shore.

The surprise visit to the ocean, although a short one, was secured tightly in her mind as if seashells collected one by one, and placed gently in her pocket… holding no particular value except in the joy of the journey to find them.  And as she bid farewell to the hours that formed days and the moments that felt like minutes, she closed her eyes as if to hold tight every second of the warm embrace and soft wet kisses that took place.  She wondered if it was all a dream provoked by wishes she kept secretly tucked away.

Farewell to thee,  for now….

Qi Thought of the Day… :)

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“Yes, in all my research, the greatest leaders looked inward and were able to tell a good story with authenticity and passion.”

-Deepak Chopra

Passion comes from the stem of change and is fed by the truth of the root… It must be fed, nurtured, and one must have faith it will grow, or the beauty of the blossom will be lost, never to be seen or experienced.

In such stories are reflected these very attributes that a leader must have in order to affect the change and improvement she/he desires.  Change is never easy, but neither is the journey one must take to see it come to fruition.

Water your garden if you want it to grow… 🙂

Finding my (Heming)way…

“I never had to choose a subject – my subject rather chose me.”

-Ernest Hemingway

 

When our heart never really resigns but our mind needs a break, sometimes forces we cannot see—but know are there—bring us back to where we were meant to be.

Today started as it always does and yet there next to me was a book on my reading “to do” list, “The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway”.  I have had this book for over two weeks now and have chosen to read others in its place.  Today, this book was calling to me, to open it and read just a bit.  I picked the book up and my hand slid over the cover to harvest that “stiff new book” feel… not a crease yet made, and the pages crisp as if not a hand had touched it yet.  I opened the book to find the typical forward and preface, of which I will sadly admit, I hardly ever read.  I passed through the publisher’s preface and then I suddenly stopped at the preface titled,  “The First Forty Nine”.  I was left frozen at this page… as if I wanted to pass over it, but that little voice that rests inside, said, “Please… go ahead, read this one.”

I smirked a bit as if to wonder if I should trust what I was being told… and with a corner of my mouth pulled in as if to lead an inquisition, I began to read the words under the preface title… Hemingway begins to explain the stories in the book and where it was they were written.  He explains that his stories come from the adventures he has taken… the places he had visited were the impetus for the words he decided to share.  He comments on the ones that received great notoriety and then mentions, “The Light of the World”, a story no one seemed to like but him.  He comments that although some stories were preferred over others, they all seemed to be good enough to be published.

That’s when I was captured by the following excerpt… as if he were the Pied Piper. I followed every word with great focus, taking almost a second with each word read with a soft tone… as if I knew they were to be read out loud like a spell that would be the key needed to unlock a door that had been closed for some time.

“In going where you have to go, and doing what you have to do, and seeing what you have to see, you dull and blunt the instrument you write with.  But I would rather have it bent and dull and know I had to put it on the grindstone again and hammer it into shape and put a whetstone to it, and know that I had something to write about, than to have it bright and shining to say, or smooth and well-oiled in the closet, but unused.  Now it is necessary to get to the grindstone again, I would like to live long enough to write three more novels and twenty-five more stories.  I  know some pretty good ones.”

I sat for just a moment and then in an instant felt compelled to re-read those words…. The message was as clear as the Tahoe waters and just like that I heard that most identifiable “ding” on my iPhone… mail had been received.  I opened up my inbox and there was a renewal to my website, Qi2Courage.com….  I couldn’t help but giggle.  If I thought that synchronicity was uncanny, it was going to get stranger yet!

I left to go to the gym to get my rehab exercises done as I am recovering from a knee replacement, and the entire time my mind was on Ernest Hemingway…. and the stories I so want and feel compelled to tell.  My motivation must have been off the charts as I conquered feats at the gym that I truly should not be ready to accomplish!  With that level of energy and excitement coursing through my tired muscles, I returned home to get cleaned up and see just where to begin or if I even should.

I turned on the TV as I normally do to get caught up on the news as I prepared to shower.  I heard the reporter mention the “Today in History” segment and I spun around to listen.  I had not seen this portion of this newscast before and so I intently listened to the reporter state that 64 years ago today on March 4, 1952, Hemingway completed his novel, The Old Man of the Sea”, which won a Pulitzer Prize and was deemed his best novel.  Hemingway said the book was about a man in a struggle to pull off one of the largest catches of his life and Hemingway said that the story paralleled his own struggle to return to writing after not writing for a long time.

I stood there in a bit of shock… Ernest Hemingway?  This date in history?  The message could not have been clearer.  I shook my head and thought, synchronicity can either be ignored or understood.  If it is ignored, opportunities may be lost.  If it is heeded, and the journey is accepted, there is nothing to lose.  Hope is only real when there is just as much of a chance at failure as there is with success… and the ability of having the potential for either outcome relies on how strong the will and spirit determine themselves to be.

It was then, that I walked over to pick up Hemingway’s book.  I cradled it close to my chest as if to hold something so precious and priceless that it would not be relinquished easily.  I have thought about returning to writing for some time but simply lacked the motivation or direction to do so.  There was the notion that what I choose to write may or may not appeal to some, most or any.  It was then I remembered Hemingway say that there was one story he wrote that no one liked and yet, it was still published because his publisher believed in it.  It only took one person to have faith in the stories that he shared… and Hemingway himself said it is better to write than allow those stories to remain unshared and unwritten.

I will choose to listen to the words of a well published, respected and admired writer than to fight the demons that find every excuse and reason not to share my stories….for perhaps it was Ernest Hemingway,on this poignant day, who so persistently dropped this lesson in my lap… or perhaps it was not him at all.

Wondering what this girl will write next….

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Qi Thought of the Day…

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

-Erma Bombeck

It was not so long ago I found myself laying in a hammock at some 10,000 ft up on a flower filled mountainside in the middle of the Colorado wilderness.  The sky was a deep sharp blue with white puffy cotton balls that danced across my field of vision.  The sound of steady streams was ever-present as if to lull me into a semi-conscious state that fueled my mind full of hopes and dreams.  For the time I remained quiet and thoughtful, my mind became more convinced that my dreams could very well become reality.  But just then, as if there were a force there to pinch me out of this dream, I let out a soft “Ouch!”…. even the mosquito that came to feast on this warm blood had doubts, for it was as if she provoked me to return to a state of reality.

As I sat up in the hammock, a thought came to the rescue, as if to thwart that pesky insect’s intent to siphon away my dreams….

“I was laying in a hammock in the middle of the Colorado wilderness!!!”  

….. just me and my thoughts…  I then I acknowledged that I was accomplishing a dream of mine-however big or small… and if that was to be, I sat and wondered, “What will tomorrow bring?”

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Dare I have the courage to share one of my dreams with the world?  Whatever would they say?  Would they share their dreams with me?  I suppose the only way to find out, is to go first….

BIG GULP……….  Here goes nothing!!!!

I have a dream to teach others to love…. all things, all people, everywhere and always… that the greatest value in life are the spirits, of all species, that walk, swim and fly and those fixed in the sacred soil that nourishes all life… To remind all that when we learn to give we receive more than we sometimes ever think we deserve… that the shell is simply aging cells that support and protect this vehicle that our beautiful soul resides in… the shell should be appreciated, but the soul should be honored.  That LOVE is the greatest gift we can return to the universe for allowing our spirits to grow and learn in this majestic yet challenging place…. This dream will unfold through words, actions, stories and pictures…. Spreading love and smiling often.  Unlike most dreams, I hope this one never ends!!!!

Wondering if you have the courage to share your dream…

Please, stop a minute, and share your dream…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Qi Thought of the Day…

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 “You can find peace amidst the storms that threaten you.”

-Joseph B. Wirthlin

Just be more fierce than the winds that push against you and the rain that falls down on you… and when the sun begins to shine again, you will realize you ARE stronger than you ever thought you could be….

In that moment you will see that the peace of the moment was always there… within you!

Truth…

 

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Qi Thought of the Day…

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Even though our days are few in this beautiful place,  the love we hold in our heart IS more valuable than all the things we could attain in this lifetime. 

This love is what makes all things possible… It inspires us to fulfill our goals and our dreams.

It is a gift that can be given at any moment to anyone.

It is the most valuable attribute we will ever know.

It is our true essence… 

So, dance as if every day were your last…

Let your love set the melody for each step you take… 

Because the music you make, will always be beautiful!